Thank you for visiting Moving Forward With Food. I’m KC, a woman in my late 20s working in tech in New York City. For most of my life, I’ve only existed in a world with food at the center. I thought and worried about it constantly, engaging in a fierce tug of war between eating, not eating, and overeating. I’ve felt embarrassment for my body’s shape, shame for leading a second life, where I ate and rid myself of everything, and self-loathing for developing and preserving harmful and dangerous habits over the past 11 years.
Born and raised in northern California, I had an incredibly fortunate childhood, growing up in a safe town and happy, unified family. I loved school, sports, writing, music, and acting. But while everything seemed picturesque, I turned to food for comfort the gnawing pressures to excel academically, artistically, athletically, and physically. I used food to numb my emotions, and escape the intensity of painful situations and abusive relationships. At 16, I practiced eating only whole foods, began restricted and overexercised my freshman year of college, and developed a daily binging and purging cycle at 19. For years, I hid my habits from loved ones, desperately striving to present a flawless persona.
At 24, while living in San Francisco, working in tech, and recovering from a traumatic car accident, I could feel how keeping my secret life buried was slowly eating me alive. I knew there had to be more to life than this vicious cycle. I told my friends, doctors, and parents, each time feeling like I’d let out just little more air from my balloon. In sharing my story, I was stunned by the support, encouragement, and vulnerability I graciously received. I realized that instead of repelling my most crucial relationships, it made them stronger.
I began uncovering food’s role in helping me survive, and detect when and why I reached for it. But most importantly, I discovered that my eating behaviors were so much deeper than the food: The true path to healing would be through mending my relationship with and perception of myself.
In my journey, I’ve found comfort in four powerful truths:
- Developing an eating disorder was not my fault and is not something to feel ashamed about.
- I am not defined by the shape of my body or my relationship with food. It doesn’t determine my worth or intelligence, put limits on what I can accomplish, or make me any less deserving of love and healthy relationships.
- I am not alone and have as powerful a voice as anyone else.
- What has been doesn’t have to continue to be: My past experiences and traumas make me human, dynamic and layered. They also play a vital role in becoming stronger, more empathetic beings.
I write this blog to share my story, in both the evolution of my eating, and in my continuous pursuit to heal while simultaneously navigating a new job and home in New York City. I also share resources that have helped me along the way. I write this to step out of the shadows, and share the struggles, breakthroughs, and lessons from my own personal experience.
I hope you enjoy this blog. If you have any questions or comments, please contact me by emailing movingforwardwithfood@gmail.com, or by filling out the contact form.